photo by tbisaacs

The holiday season is almost here. For some men, shopping for the women in their lives is a frustrating mystery. I’ve witnessed many men shopping around the holidays, and they appear not only clueless but downright desperate. In all fairness, some women have high expectations, so it’s understandable these men are completely stressed out from the pressure.

I let my husband off the hook from the beginning. I didn’t want him to get anxious watching jewelry commercials on television or to stress out trying to find the perfect gift and then trying to hide it from me. We typically don’t exchange gifts on holidays. We’re thoughtful and give gifts throughout the year, so I don’t experience this huge buildup of expectations on special occasions. Each year, my husband gives me a huge box of chocolates before the holiday, and I look forward to it every year.

I’ve shared what works for us with others, and I think some people feel sorry for me. They simply can’t imagine a special occasion without the hoopla or element of surprise, but I feel valued on a regular basis. There’s a special connection, and expectations to experience those feelings on a specific day are lowered. How can I feel disappointed or slighted by the lack of a gift to unwrap, when I know he’s consistently attentive and thoughtful throughout the year?

Our holiday emphasis is simply being together as a family and sharing. We both select gifts for our children, and we often choose a gift together after the holiday season. It’s less maddening, and there are many post-holiday deals to be found. Plus, we’re together to talk about what we want to buy, so there’s no guesswork.

Of course, not everyone is like I am, so men, if you’ve paid attention throughout the year, you should have picked up on at least a few subtle hints. Many women will come right out and say what they want. If you didn’t pick up on it, simply be as thoughtful as possible. What does that entail? Consider a gift that will inspire or encourage her, or a gift that has meaning. She wants to feel valued, appreciated and connected. I can’t tell you what to buy because all women are different, but I asked readers what they want this year, and their favorite gifts from holidays past. I’ve compiled the most popular responses.

KITCHEN GIFTS: Top kitchen gifts include cookbooks, cookware, food dehydrators, KitchenAid mixers, pressure canners, FoodSavers, knife sets, dishes and flatware, food choppers, spiral whisks, hand graters, rubber spatulas, apple corers, grain mills, baking pans, meat slicers, candles and no dirty dishes.

CLOTHING GIFTS: Most popular clothing wants are slippers, robes, pajamas, hats, scarves, glove sets, socks, coats, purses, wallets, jewelry, drying racks and no dirty laundry.

LINEN GIFTS:Bath towels, sheets, electric blankets and heated mattress pads are most wanted in the linen category.

HOBBY GIFTS: Sewing machines, scrapbooks, sewing and quilting supplies, books, CDs, houseplants, cameras and DVDs.

DREAM LIST: Alone time, more hours in the day, home improvements, clean car, no whining or fighting, windows washed, husband happy with job, breakfast in bed, family time spent together sharing and talking, no cooking, stay home and not leave the house, and a holiday from the heart and not the wallet.

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